Video Poker Forum

Here is the best strategy for winning at Video poker (I call it "video Poker for people who do not want to SUCK"......catchy title huh?)1)  Hit lots of Royal flushes......a Royal flush is not, contrary to popular opinion, what happens when Prince William, or Queen Elizabeth for that matter, takes a regal dump and hits the handle on the "loo"....rather, a Royal flush is when you get a 10, and then a Jack, followed by a QUEEN, and then a KING and finally an ACE, and they all happen to be of one of the four suits allowed by most gaming commissions, overseeing most casinos,  to appear on the cards displayed on the screen.....namely  Hearts, Spades, clubs or Diamonds.   That is a ROYAL FLUSH..... So to sum up point number 1 of "Da Burglar's strategy for not sucking at video poker":  Hit a lot of these.2)  Be very lucky.....See point number 13)  Play with other peoples' money, just not your own.   This principle applies to most business concepts and investment schemes.....use other peoples'  moolah.    For video poker that doesnt suck, you may have to spend time searching peoples' couches, scouring the coin returns of vending machines, TITO machines and anything else that uses coins.   You may have to stand on a corner with a plastic cup (or styrofoam....my system for" Video Poker that does not suck"  is flexible and allows you to panhandle for your bankroll utilizing whichever type of CUP you feel most comfy with...afterall I am a guru, not a DICK-tator.4)  hit some more royal flushes.....and VOILA!   Follow these steps with strict discipline, and you will NOT SUCK at video poker.     Ok, For anyone who has read up to this point, That will be $19.95 ....I accept paypal (or Paypr*ck  for the more hostile online shoppers out there....)   I guarantee you will win 80% of the time, or your money back, minus a 17.95 non refundable fee.

Is nothing at all! good post!

I prefer the old standard tin cup myself. Helps to be able to carry a tune and play some sort of musical instrument. Dress neatly, but not like you have any money. If all else fails, stand on a corner in a barrel with the tin cup in hand. I think the restocking fee is a bit high. I guess you need that to cover the paypal fee.

This is helpful how?

Good post.   If you want I'll put up a website where you can sell your strategy 24/7.  I'll bet you'll be playing $10 machines in no time.  You might even get on the Today Show.   DaBurglar for president!  Doesn't anyone around here have a sense of humor? 

Good post.   I DaBurglar for president!  Doesn't anyone around here have a sense of humor? 

Oh yes. Some of us do have a sense of humor, Phil.Why don't you run as DB's vice president? You could run as candidates in the "Know Nothing" party!Your motto could be, "We know we won't win, but we like to run anyway. We're running a Cheap Strategy election campaign! We only shake one hand at each campaign stop, never max hands, and we make sure it's in a state where we have no chance to win anyway! (Which is all of them, of course. It's impossible for anybody to win. There are over 20 people trying to be president and only one will end up successful. That PROVES that it's essentially impossible to win!) Shaking one hand per stop is a win for us because we end up shaking many fewer hands than those who go in for a max-shake philosophy. We are so smart!"

Max shake? Cannot take!With long days it can get roughBlowing out rotator cuff.With the voters I may bondThen it's off for Tommy John!

This is helpful how?I am just being satirical, sarcastic and venting, while trying to make a few people laugh Buffita....I hope I am not causing you dismay or anything negative......this post was a joke of mine, nothing more.    I am a firm believer in not taking oneself too seriously, and if I see  other people doing it, I sometimes have a hard time resisting poking a little fun at them....Best of luck to you in your gaming endeavors!

[quote=BobDancer]Oh yes. Some of us do have a sense of humor, Phil.Why don't you run as DB's vice president? You could run as candidates in the "Know Nothing" party!  Your
motto could be, "We know we won't win, but we like to run anyway. We're
running a Cheap Strategy election campaign! We only shake one hand at
each campaign stop, never max hands, and we make sure it's in a state
where we have no chance to win anyway! (Which is all of them, of course.
It's impossible for anybody to win. There are over 20 people trying to
be president and only one will end up successful. That PROVES that it's
essentially impossible to win!) Shaking one hand per stop is a win for
us because we end up shaking many fewer hands than those who go in for a
max-shake philosophy. We are so smart!"[/quote]Now Bob, you can do better than that. I think you're losing your edge...  

Less shakes means less germs...sounds like a winner to me.